Forty Days of Dating
8/20/13 Update: Jessie and Tim announced that no new posts will be uploaded until Sept. 3-- way to build up the suspense!
What would happen if you started dating your best friend? That was the premise behind
, an experiment conducted by two New York friends who found themselves single at the same time.
Tim and Jessie.
The Set Up
Jessie and Tim, both designers, have been close friends for four years. Jessie admits that her dating life hasn't turned out the way she had hoped because she rushes into relationships. Tim dates several women at a time, but has trouble making a commitment. They decide to embark on an experiment to date each other for 40 consecutive days.
The Rules
1. See each other every day for 40 days.
2. Go on at least three dates a week.
3. See a couples therapist once a week.
4. Go on one weekend trip together.
5. Fill out daily questionnaire and document everything.
6. Don't see, date, hook up or have sex with anyone else.
The Goal
Get to know each other and themselves better-- and perhaps find love along the way.
The Skinny
The experiment was well thought out in advance. Jessie and Tim conducted their experiment over 40 days this past spring. Since July 10, they have been posting one entry each day on their
. Cute dates include going to parties, meeting up for morning coffee and
holding hands for eight hours straight
!
Their story has become a real-life soap opera with thousands of romantics following each dramatic development-- almost as if it were all happening in real time. When the final post is revealed on Aug. 22, Jessie and Tim fans will find out if the couple has decided to continue their relationship post-experiment.
Does this sound like a romantic comedy straight from Hollywood? If you think so, you're not the only one. Jessie and Tim's story has caught the attention of thousands of readers, including studio bigwigs.
is that talks are underway to make their little experiment into a bona fide motion picture. Between you and me, I'd love to see Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams take top billing in it!
It's not surprising that the project has gone viral. People have a natural curiosity about other people's lives and relationships. I'll admit, their project has me intrigued as well. The idea of two friends trying to see if there could ever be anything more between them is certainly not new. However, to test the parameters of a relationship so systematically and publicly is what interests me.
In a way, it's a forced 'relationship' in the sense that there are clear rules and parameters. I think part of the excitement of a first date is not knowing whether there will be a second, third, fourth and so on. The thrill of it all is that there are no promises or guarantees in the beginning. Yet, Jessie and Tim have committed to 40 dates-- consecutive ones nonetheless. I guess this is necessary to ensure that the experiment is sustained. And perhaps their situation is different because they're already close friends.
The other thing I find fascinating is how public their relationship is. While I understand that the experience is very personal to
them
and that they largely control what they want to share with the public, I can't help but wonder how the knowledge that people are going to be watching them has affected their potential romance. In several of their blog posts, both of them have expressed the feeling of being under pressure to answer the question that is on everyone's mind:
Are they going to end up together after this experiment?
Is there pressure not to disappoint the fans?
Seems to me that being in a regular relationship poses a unique set of joys and challenges when the romance is allowed to grow organically. How will this be affected by adding a clear deadline by which you have to define your relationship? It's like setting an egg timer and forcing yourself to make an important decision before it goes off.
At any rate, I applaud Jessie and Tim for going out on a limb and sharing this experiment with the whole world. Whether or not they end up together, I wish them both well.
If you haven't stumbled upon their blog yet, check it out
. I recommend scrolling to the bottom and reading the posts in order. Have fun!
