Talk that Talk To Me: Actual Effort in Relationships

Many social critics, writers, and bloggers far better than I have dissected and examined the evolution of communication. Social media in particular has been characterized as everything from democratic to elitist, unifying to divisive, interpersonal to impersonal. Whether it is all of these things, partly them or none of them, one characteristic of social media that I think rather undeniable is its convenience. The time it takes to greet a friend has condensed to a few seconds. The correspondence that used to demand a stack of stationary, good penmanship, and a postage stamp now only requires Internet access, a few abbreviated phrases, and opposable thumbs to press the send button.

I've often wondered what we've inadvertently sacrificed in the name of convenience. Effort, would be the no-brainer answer. Everything from media and consumer culture to politics and our educational system tells us that easier is better. In many industries, this makes perfect sense. Minimize input, maximize output. But is it possible that in human relationships, effort can be a good thing? What's more, can mere convenience influence our ability to express or even

feel

deeper emotions? It's hard to say.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way: Girl you look better with the lights off.

Take, for example, love letters. Since the dawn of the written word, people have used written language to express their emotions. Famous lovers across the centuries from Abelard and Eloise to Napoleon and Josephine have eloquently penned such gems such as:

"I thought that I loved you months ago, but since my separation from you I feel that I love you a thousand fold more. Each day since I knew you, have I adored you yet more and more.."

Napoleon to Josephine, 1796

Now, replace that inked parchment with a 21st-century text:

"

hey babe. where you at?"

Boo Boo Bear to Baby Boo, 12:32 a.m.

While the latter does win points for conciseness, some would argue that the former has its merits too-- such as diction, syntax, and actual emotion. Yet, who's to say that Napoleon loved Josephine more than Boo Boo Bear loves Baby Boo? Quite possibly Boo Boo Bear loves Baby Boo with the passion of a thousand suns. All I'm saying--and this message goes out to men, women, lovers, family, and friends alike-- is that perhaps a little more effort once in a while and that cursed subsequent pause for reflection can make the heart grow even fonder. And maybe the effort you put into a simple card, letter, phone call or lunch date can itself be a show of love.